I THOUGHT I SAW A BEAR

I thought I saw a bear today. 


I did a double take in my rear view mirror. 


Thinking I saw a massive creature 

Hurtling towards me. 


But in the second glance, 


I realized it was just my dirty rear window

Playing tricks on my eyes. 

The cumulative effects of two weeks of sand and salt and snow. 


As i continued driving away 

From the bear that wasn’t there


I sank a little lower in my seat. 


Hands sliding from 10 and 2 to 

4 and 6 


Illogically missing the momentary 

feeling 

the excitement, of hope, (hope?)

That it could have been a bear 

Barreling down at me


I crawled up the hill 

In a controlled 44mph 

So as to not get a ticket in the speed trap camera. 


Maybe I wanted a bear to chase me in my car? 


Maybe I wanted to feel like something was hurtling itself toward me, 

Bent on its path intersecting with mine, 


Finding the pull of my existence so inescapable 

They were forced to chase after me in the 

Frigid wind and flurries. 


But maybe these are the tired musings of a girl starting over 

Of a girl running so hard after the life, that, 


For a moment, 

It was absurdly tempting 

To think that life could be chasing me down with the same enthusiasm. 


That in the camouflage of grinding 

In the background of everyone’s life 


I finally stood out. 


Are these the places where brains take us to feel wanted? 


To feel seen? 


Imagining bears and breathing a sigh of relief that they’re at our heels?

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